A comment at my kid's school about 'quiet hands' really got to me

I was at a parent meeting last week for my son's class. Another parent said, 'We just need to teach them all to have quiet hands, it's not that hard.' They were talking about some kids who flap or move their hands a lot. It made me stop. My son does that, and it's how he feels calm or happy. Telling him to stop feels like telling him not to smile. I've read a lot about this, and many autistic adults say being forced to stop stimming as kids really hurt them. It's not about being quiet for other people's comfort. It's about letting someone be themselves. Has anyone else had to explain this to a teacher or another parent? What did you say?

3 comments

3 Comments

cole_lee91mo ago

Telling him not to smile" seems like a bit of a stretch.

leo_kelly24d ago

Gotta disagree on that one. The person is probably just trying to keep things calm in a tense situation, not actually trying to silence the guy's joy. @patricia_wells, I get where you're coming from about people controlling your expression, but this is more about reading the room than being a grinch. Sometimes a little social awareness goes a long way, and smiling during a serious moment can make things awkward for everyone.

patricia_wells1mo ago

Ugh, I totally get that feeling. It can be really frustrating when people try to control how you express yourself. Just let people be happy.