A family dinner in Kyoto taught me to never ask about someone's job right away.

3 comments

3 Comments

Wait, your cousin was a barista for YEARS while doing his art? That's a crazy long time to deal with that question over and over. I feel for him. @the_tara is totally right, it puts people on the spot in a way I never really thought about. It's like you're forcing them to either lie, feel bad, or explain their whole life story. Just let people tell you what they want you to know first.

joseph_johnson2mo ago

Isn't it more about what you're missing when you lead with that question? You skip right past the interesting stuff, like what they're growing in their garden, the weird hobby they picked up during lockdown, or the road trip they're planning. A job title just gives you a label, not the person. You could talk to a guy for ten minutes about his woodworking before finding out he's a dentist, and you'll know him better than if you'd just asked where he works.

the_tara2mo ago

Honestly, joseph_johnson is right about skipping the good stuff. But it's also a class thing people don't talk about. Asking about work right away can put someone in a tight spot if they're between jobs or hate their career. My cousin was a barista for years while he built his art, and that question just made him shut down. It's kinder to let people bring up their job if they want to.