Comparing how my French friend's family and my American family handle death was eye opening

I went to a funeral in a small town in France last year for my friend's grandmother. The family sat together in the front room of the house for two days, just talking and eating pastries, with the body right there in a simple wooden coffin. Back home in Ohio, we hide death away with embalming and fancy cosmetology at a funeral parlor that costs like $8,000. Why do we spend so much effort pretending someone just went to sleep instead of letting people actually say goodbye? Has anyone else seen how different cultures handle this stuff firsthand?

3 comments

3 Comments

cole_davis471mo ago

Honestly, I used to be one of those people who thought the American way was the right way, you know? Like the embalming and the fancy casket and all that was just showing respect. But then my wife's family in Italy did something similar to what you're describing, had the body at home for a day with food and everyone just hanging out, and it completely changed how I see it. @elizabeth438 is spot on about us avoiding the uncomfortable parts of life... we spend all this money to make death look like something it's not. Seeing how natural it was for them, just sitting with the reality of it, made me realize we're actually hiding from grief instead of facing it. Now I wish we had more of that raw, honest approach over here instead of this weird plastic version of mourning.

elizabeth4381mo ago

And honestly that tracks with how we deal with everything uncomfortable in America. We shove aging parents into homes, avoid talking about money, and pretend grief has a timeline you can schedule around. Maybe the French just realize that pretending death isn't happening doesn't actually make it go away.

ericfox1mo ago

Yeah totally, @elizabeth438 nailed it. My buddy's family out in Montana does the whole "viewing" thing with the body all made up and it always felt so weird to me. He told me once his grandma's funeral felt like a weird party where everyone pretended she was just sleeping.